so little time

Well, I'm just 7 or so weeks away from being done with the first half of my first year of teaching. I'm sure that could have been said with less than half that many words. But anyway... I've got a little more time than usual tonight, since baby Daniel is sleeping early for some reason, so I'm going through my websites and old videos and everything. The main thing I'm realizing is that my life has changed so dramatically. When I look at my websites and all the things I used to put time into, it feels so still and silent... like my life used to be this really quiet period of waiting. I didn't realize I was waiting... but it really was like my life was just sitting there, waiting for this era that I'm in now. I'm so busy now that I can't take time to make art... or even think about art, really. I know it will be different once the first year is done, but it is SO difficult sometimes. The schedule I'm on is just crazy, and I am just not a very organized person. So many people are relying on me, and I feel like people are constantly judging my performance.... and the truth is that they are. Being a teacher is a very public role, and your performance is under constant scrutiny by principals, other teachers, people at central office, mothers, and even the kids. I've never experienced anything like this at all. My hope is simply that time will make it easier. I can't wait until I can come home and ACTUALLY relax... not just sit and worry until it's time to go in again.